Thursday, August 4, 2011


I don't think I have ever been as nervous as I am at this moment. This whole thing started last week after I read a front page article in the Evansville Courier & Press Newspaper. The article was titled, "Sticking to the schedule" and was written for the purpose of informing parents what vaccines their children "have to have" in order to attend public school in Indiana. As I read the article, I was struck by the fact that there was no information about parents' legal right to religious exemption. There was some vague wording, "Waivers could be obtained in special circumstances," which to me seemed misleading, making it sound like these "waivers" are hard to get.

I have to back up a bit. I don't usually get the Courier & Press Newspaper and I didn't buy it on the day when I read the above-mentioned article. I didn't even see it the day it came out. I happened across it while sitting in the waiting room of the Trauma ICU at Deaconess Hospital in Evansville. I was there with a dear friend whose brother was nearly killed in a motorcycle accident. If I hadn't been there with Donna, I would never have seen the newspaper in the first place. But I did. God works that way.

The article ran on the front page of the newspaper on Monday, July 25th. I was at the hospital on Tuesday, July 26th. Since it was already a day-old paper, I took it with me when I left, figuring no one there would miss it (or need it as much as I did). It was just one of those things where I knew I had to take it with me. When I got home I went to the Courier & Press online and looked up the article with the intention of commenting on it. That's when I saw the video of a nurse at the Vanderburgh County Health Department giving multiple vaccines to a young boy and proclaiming, "They all turn out just fine" and joking, "We haven't killed anyone yet!"

I really do try to live my life peacefully. I feel like I have been at war over the last several years and am suffering from combat fatigue. There are many times when I just want to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend I never even heard of autism or vaccine-injury. Sometimes I do just that. I take a vacation from reality and pretend that I am just a mother and a grandmother living in a small town in Southwestern Indiana. I pretend that my children are healthy and life will play out just the way it should. Then something happens to snap me back to reality and I realize that for me, this is life just as it was meant to be. There is a reason my daughter had to get sick. If she hadn't, I would never have become involved in this war in the first place. It's too late now. Just like the military, I can't quit. And whenever I begin to think I can, My SUPREME COMMANDER does something to remind me that quitting is not an option. That's what He did when he put that newspaper in front of me. It's sort of like when Bill Engvall says, "Here's your sign!" but on a different level entirely.

What has followed in the days after reading that article and watching that video has been a whirlwind of writing. I have written several blogposts and notes on facebook about what's been happening here. I won't go into that in this note. Let's just say that it's been enormously frustrating trying to get our local media to print anything about parents' concerns about vaccine safety or about the legal right to religious exemption. It AIN'T happening. Period.

At one point several days ago I was ready to give up. The comments section on the Courier & Press article had been disabled and the experiences shared by parents of vaccine-injured children were removed completely. Then our comments were removed from the Courier & Press facebook page. Then many of us were blocked from the page altogether. I was so frustrated I didn't know what to do. So I went to bed. But first, I prayed. And I asked my friends to pray for me. My standard prayer when I don't know what to do is, "God... if this is your will, please show me what I need to see."

When I got up the next morning I was still so tired and just plain weary, and I was beginning to get frustrated with God for not answering me in a timely fashion. I was hoping He would have sent the answer in a dream or given me some sort of miraculous vision. As I think back on it now, it seems like I must have been on the verge of crossing my arms, tapping my foot and looking at my watch. I'm glad now that I didn't do that. While I'm absolutely certain that God has a sense of humor (and I KNOW he has patience because he's still working with ME after all these years!), I am very thankful that I didn't test Him at that particular time. What I did instead is what I do almost every morning lately. I made a cup of green tea and sat down at the computer. After checking my email and scanning the Courier & Press online to make sure there were no more articles about back-to-school shots, I turned to facebook.

That's when I got it. Literally. "HERE'S YOUR SIGN!"

I don't remember at this moment who it was that had posted the photograph. It wasn't one of the facebook friends I regularly communicate with. But there it was. The photograph of a billboard that reads "No Shots, No School... NOT TRUE!!!" I think it was probably at this moment when I uttered what was one of the heaviest sighs of my life. If you've ever had that feeling of, "What have I done?" you know what I'm talking about. It's that sense of, "Oh, God. This is too much. I didn't really want to do THAT much." Too late. When you get orders from THE SUPREME COMMANDER, refusing is just not an option. Believe me, I've tried. I learned some time ago that if I don't do as I'm told, this is not going to go away, it's just going to get bigger. So, in the interest of compliance and to save myself the pain of paying the price for disobedience, I started a fundraiser. I posted on facebook that I was going to raise money to put up a billboard in Evansville, Indiana so that parents here could have the information they need to make informed decisions about vaccinating their kids. For the last few days I have been working like a crazy person (that's easy for me...), listing things on ebay and asking people for donations. My kids have been very patient (for the most part). They have let me do what they know by now I must do.

I have to tell you that I have never checked into renting a billboard before. I figured it would be expensive, but I had no idea just how MUCH it would cost. I played phone tag for a couple of days with the salesperson from the Evansville office of Lamar Outdoor Advertising, but finally she and I connected. When we started talking I prepared myself for the possibility that she would tell me, "We can't run something like that. It's too controversial." (Remember, this is Evansville, Indiana.) I started off by telling Nicole what had happened with the Courier & Press. I told her, "We are not telling people not to vaccinate. We are just asking the media to please report in an unbiased manner and let parents know the truth about their legal rights." I followed this with the disclaimer, "I'm really not just some nut-job. I'm the mother of a vaccine-injured child who almost died after receiving one shot. People need to know that the recommended childhood schedule has never been studied for safety." The response I got from Nicole was, "I don't think you're a nut-job." She then proceeded to tell me about a friend whose toddler was "perfectly healthy" until he got his shots for preschool and then decended into severe autism. Nicole also told me that she has been concerned about vaccines and stated her wish that I had called sooner, as she has just (last week) taken her own daughter in for her "well-baby visit" during which she received the standard multiple vaccinations as per the recommended schedule. This led to a fairly lengthy conversation about how to help protect her baby from the toxic effects of vaccines. I gave Nicole the web address of my blog and promised to send her some information from Russell Blaylock about protecting against vaccine damage. This is how God works. Every task He gives us leads to another opportunity. Each connection we make leads to more opportunities and the chance to save His children.

I sent Nicole the photo of the billboard I had seen on facebook. She said she would need to get it approved by her supervisor. (Uh-oh, I thought). She told me that he was very open-minded and she felt pretty sure he would approve it, which he did. The one caveat was that there has to be a contact listed at the bottom, "In case there are any complaints." (Heavy sigh.) Please God, I'm going to need a big shield and some armor. This is Indiana. Home of Ely Lily, the company that came up with the idea of putting thimerosal in vaccines so many decades ago.

As scary as the thought of being the target of backlash is, that was not my only concern. As I said, I've never rented a billboard before. I was prepared for the cost to be in the hundreds of dollars a month range. The quote I got was, "$3,438 to run the message for one week on all four digital billboards in Evansville." My heart sank. How in the world am I going to raise $3,500 in less than a week. The time crunch has to do with the fact that school starts here next week. My goal had been to raise enough money to get the message out prior to the first day of school, so that last-minute parents (like me) who have waited (either because they are too busy or because they are scared of what may happen as a result of vaccinating) would get the message in time to look further and learn about their rights and about vaccines before blindly obeying the message put out by the Courier & Press. My biggest fear is that so many families here are uninformed and feel they have no choice. We're all strapped financially. If people HAVE jobs they need to keep them. They can't afford to stay home and home-school and they can't afford to take off from work when the schools send their kids home (as happened last year) because they aren't "up-to-date" on their vaccinations. Talk about having a gun to your head.

Anyway, I told Nicole that I didn't think I could come up with the money. Then she said I could run the message on two billboards (one on the east side of town and one on the west side) for one week for $1,984. That's still a lot more than I was counting on, but it's much better. I told her I believed I could do it and stated firmly "I know this is going to happen." (The firmness was just as much for me as it was for Nicole.) Heavy sigh. Too late to back out. I've already got people contributing to the cause. Remember, this is like the military. Once you're in, you can't quit.

So this is where I was yesterday. I have several things listed on ebay and several things more to list. Suddenly, my camera battery won't charge. I start using Leah's camera and bought some rechargeable batteries for it. I'm back in business. Suddenly, those batteries won't charge, either. (Have I mentioned yet that when God wants my attention, He doesn't mess around. He just hits me right where it hurts. I guess that's because He knows how hard-headed I am. Subtlety would be lost on me when I'm on a mission, so He just doesn't bother with it.)

Okay. Now what? Like an intercom switched on in my head I hear, "You're thinking too small." As I sometimes do, I decide to ignore the intercom. How can I be thinking too small? I am working my ass off here. I don't need this right now.

Since I'm on a forced break at this time, I decide to check facebook. This is when I get the message from my friend, Marsha McLelland. I love Marsha. But I really did NOT want to hear what she had to say. The message she sent was something like this, "What a great idea! We need to take this to the next level and put these signs all over the country!" Now, don't get me wrong. Marsha is a Rock Star. She is so committed and works tirelessly to advocate for the safety of children. But, damn it! I'm just me. I'm just a mother and a grandmother living in Southwestern Indiana and at this point it looks like I'm NEVER going to get back to my bed and those covers. This is when I hear the voice in my head saying, "You asked me to show you what you need to see." This is also when I hear my mother in my head saying, "Be careful what you ask for; you just might get it." (Heavy sigh.)

So here's the deal... I know this is a long note and it's not over yet, so please... bear with me.

I have agreed to write this note, asking for help. We must do this. Trust me. Once you read this, if you turn your back, it's not going to be pretty. At this very moment I am reminded of a phrase from an old television sitcom (can't recall which), "God'll getcha for that!" Please don't take that as a threat. It's just the way my mind works.

Anyway, I have agreed to write this note with the intent of sharing it and getting the message out through facebook. Sort of like a cyber flash-mob thing, if that's an applicable analogy. That is a daunting task. If I mess it up, it's on me. I can't handle that kind of pressure alone, so once again, I called in THE EXPERT - THE SUPREME COMMANDER. I asked for help. I asked my facebook friends to pray for me and I asked God to give me what I need to know to make this happen, if it is His Will.

I posted my request for prayer on my profile page. I also posted it on the Vaccine Resistance Movement (VRM) facebook page. Almost immediately I got a response from a man named Steve. This is what he wrote, "Max would have been 2 today....he will guide you and give you strength!" I have never interacted with Steve before today and I had never heard of Max. I was immediately engulfed with such an overwelming feeling of sadness and the tears started flowing. Me crying is not an unusual thing, I am moved to tears very easily. This was different. I couldn't stop crying and I was filled with a profound sadness that I can't recall feeling in a long time, if ever. I sat and cried for a while. Then I went to Steve's facebook page and I saw the photos of Max. As I sat looking at this gorgeous child I started getting the message loud and clear, "Use me." I fought that for a while. I left the computer and washed the dishes. Then I cleaned up the countertops. Then I scooped out the litter box. The entire time I kept getting the same message: "Use me." As I walked out the door from the hall to the garage and back in again, I caught myself thinking, I need to hold his hand because he's so small. Finally, I sat back down at the computer and wrote this message to Steve:

Steve: Thank-you for introducing me to Max. He is with me.

I almost feel awkward writing this message to you and am having difficulty

making my fingers type this question, but I keep getting the clear message, "Ask" "Use me."

I have been to your profile page and seen the photos of your beautiful son.

I admit I had never heard of Max before today, though I had seen your posts on VRM.

I can only imagine how much your heart is breaking today.

When I read your comment I immediately felt such huge sorrow and am having trouble

stopping the tears from flowing - and I never even met Max until now.

I believe there is a reason for everything and Max's death will not be in vain.

I know that is such small comfort to you, but this is the message I am getting.

As I said, this is so hard for me to write.

My head is telling me "Do NOT take advantage of this father's grief..."

but Max is telling me (I know, I sound crazy) - but MAX is TELLING me, "Use me"

I'm so sorry.

I started to type, "I don't know what to say."

But then erased that because I do know what to say, I'm just having such a difficult time saying it.

May I tell Max's story?

There. I said it. I asked the father of a dead baby if I could use his story to raise money.

That feels so dirty to me. But it's not. Max can help.

He can do this so other parents don't have to go through what you and Mom have gone through.

Please tell me what happened.


After writing the message I did what for me is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I waited.

I felt as though I couldn't start writing this note until I heard back from Steve. So I sat here at the computer going through my facebook friends list and thinking about who to tag when the note was finished. Suddenly I knew it was time to start writing. So I started. I had no idea where this was going to go at the time, but I knew it was time to begin.

After a while, I got a message back from Steve. Here is what he wrote:

yes thats fine ....Joel Lord is putting together a small story of Max's life. might be best if we all work together to get this right

I thanked Steve and asked him to have Joel message me the information when it was complete. Then I went back to this note. A while later I got the message from Joel Lord. Here is an excerpt of what he wrote:

A family in the UK recently lost their baby boy, "22 months at death", following post vaccination adverse drug interactions. Up until that point their baby had received the full slate of injections typical for his age group. At 6 months he began to experience ongoing convulsions/seizures. His neurologist then chose to prescribe him a set of experimental drugs (none of which are officially licensed for use in infants): 'Sodium Valproate' or 'Valproic Acid' (Anticonvulsant, antipsychotic - anti-seizure medication),'Keppra' or 'Levetiracetam' (antiepileptic drug) & 'Clobazam' (benzodiazepine type anticonvulsant) - ostensibly to quell his seizures. Initially he was put on a combination of Sodium Valproate & Keppra. A decision was then made to switch Keppra for Clobazam, as, per the neurologist in charge, "It was clearly making him worse." There was speculation of possible Dravet's Syndrome (severe myoclonic epilepsy in infancy). At no time during this phase were the parents ever consulted or briefed on the authorization of these drug combinations given to their child.

The parents, now estranged, marked the date of what would have been their child's 2nd birthday in solemn remembrance of their son; born 04 08 2009, died 21 06 2011. The father duly noted "Each time he was given shots he seemed to have seizures...overdose symptoms were heart block, coma, death." glaring factor remains that we must consider - a family put their trust in an Industry sworn to protect the innocent. And yet they were not briefed on the synergistic nature of anti-seizure medications when combined. Nor were they prepared for the seizures which suddenly gripped their child at 6 months, the result of vaccine induced Encephalitis, inflammation of the brain & meninges (Meningoencephalitis) manifesting as ‘diffuse and/or focal neuropsychological dysfunction‘. Whose responsibility was this? Certainly most parents aren't versed in the hard science & reasoning behind vaccine methodology. Who can blame them given these hurried modern times? But if that is the case, then isn't it the obligation of doctors making these pivotal life-changing decisions to have all the facts straight beforehand? This child is unfortunately gone. But the message still resonates and his legacy will hopefully serve as a burning light of truth for parents throughout our communities, that it is now time to step back and rethink the entire concept of "herd immunity". - Excerpts from 'VRM: The Problem With Vaccines Part 4A - Primary Aspects of Vaccine Toxicity Affecting The Body' by Joel Lord, founder of Vaccine Resistance Movement

I am a firm believer that when someone dies a traumatic or wrongful death, the soul can be stuck hanging around trying to make sense of what happened. I believe this is the case with Max. I believe this is why I felt such an enormous feeling of grief immediately after reading his father's comment. I also believe this is part of my mission, and I believe we owe it to Max to allow him to rest in peace, knowing that his death will not be for nothing. So today, on what would have been Max's second birthday, I am asking all 1707 of my facebook friends to please contribute $1.00 to fund the billboard project. I am also asking all of my 1707 facebook friends to forward this note and ask your friends to do the same. Contributions can be made by paypal. Please put in the message section, "Happy Birthday Max. Here's Your Sign."

With God's love and blessings and my undying gratitude,


Max. A beautiful child who would have celebrated his 2nd birthday today, August 4, 2011. Max suffered and died on June 21, 2011. His death was the result of vaccine-injury.

This is the message that will be printed on billboards across America. The goal of this mission is to inform parents of their rights and to encourage parents to learn more about vaccinations before giving consent. Afterwards, it may be too late.

Since this note was written on August 4, 2001, we have received enough donations to fund four billboards: Two in Evansville, Indiana; one in Austin, Texas, and another in Denver, Colorado. We have incorporated and have filed the paperwork to establish a non-profit 501(c)3. Contributions are now being accepted online or by mail. Please visit for more information.


  1. Thank You Marci! We need these signs in Washington State as we just passed a bill that requires a DOCTOR to sign our religious and philosophical exemptions.

  2. Jill - a quick note to point out that the Washington State law does not require the doctor to *approve* the exemption, but to sign that they have explained the risks of not vaccinating (no requirement to explain the risks of vaccinating, of course). The law stinks, but parents need to understand they don't need a doctor's approval for the exemption as this may some discourage parents from even trying.

    Consider it comparable to having to sit through a timeshare pitch to get the free gift. Their goal is to wear down the weak willed.

  3. Wonderful!

    How does one make a donation?

  4. Thank-you, Erwin.
    Currently, donations are being made through Paypal to

    We have filed the paperwork to establish a non-profit organization. Once that is accomplished, there will be a "click-to-donate" button on the website:

    Thanks so much for your support!

  5. Thank-you, Jeff C. for clarifying the process. Excellent information (and I would say a very accurate analogy!).

  6. Thank-you soooo much for your hard work, and especially for allowing God to guide you. We are in need of billboards all over California, where school officials are going door-to-door with nurses to check on unvaccinated/exempted children, even those on independent studies! Please see, and pass this video on. (expletive alert)
    Thank-you again, and God bless!


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