Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Dear doctor: I can't sleep.

Dear doctor:

I can't sleep.

Before you reach for your prescription pad and write me a script for Ambien, please... just take a few moments to listen to what's bothering me. I have a feeling that if you just focus for a bit on what I am trying to tell you, the beneficial effects will be much more lasting than anything you could possibly prescribe to ameliorate the symptoms of insomnia associated with my underlying frustration.
I really just need to be heard.

You have seen me in your office many times. Over the years, I have gained weight, acquired wrinkles, and my hair has turned gray. I have come to you on occasion asking for bloodwork because I have been concerned about my own health, but it has been much more likely for you to see me when I bring my daughter in because she is sick with strep, or because we need a referral for the neurologist, or for the endocrinologist, or immunologist, or dermatologist, or neuropsychologist, speech pathologist, gastroenterologist, audiologist, ENT or orthopedic surgeon.

I am 50 years old. My daughter is 16. Her medical file is bigger than mine. Much bigger. I have finally realized that this is a good thing, since I will most likely be the one taking care of her for the rest of her life, and I need to be healthy. Without me, she has no one.

So, here it is... 3:38 a.m.

I have a class at 8:00. The alarm will go off at 6:20. That gives me roughly 2.5 hours to tell you why I can't sleep.

I am tired.
I am tired of being talked down to.
I am tired of the way you roll your eyes when I express my concerns about mercury and aluminum in vaccinations.
I am tired of worrying about whether or not you are going to give me a hard time when I ask for a note for school so my daughter is not forced to drink milk at lunch.
I am tired of trying to explain to you why she needs to take enzymes at school so she doesn't spend the second half of the day in the bathroom or in the nurse's office.
I am tired of riding to the hospital in an ambulance.
I am tired of holding her head up off the floor so she doesn't get a concussion when she seizes after getting a tetanus shot you insisted she had to have.
I am tired of enduring your disdain and the dirty looks of the nurses in your office when I, once again, refuse to give consent for her to get the flu shot.

After all of the time and money I have spent in your office over the years, I deserve your attention, if not your respect. I know you are the one with the initials M.D. behind your name. What you don't know is that if not for the last 16 years spent caring for my sick child, I would also have some pretty impressive initials behind my name. As it is, the initials I have are M.S. (Master of Science). When my daughter got sick, I was on my way to obtaining my Ph.D. That didn't happen. She needed me more and I couldn't do both.

So here I am, 16 years later, and I'm working on my MSW (Master of Social Work) because I finally realized that if I'm ever going to be able to pay off my student loans I need to figure out a way to make a living at something I can do while caring for my daughter for the rest of her life. The best way I know is to do something that benefits not only her, but other children who are struggling with the same issues she struggles with. I had hoped to go on and finish the Ph.D., but at this point, it's probably not going to happen.

What I need you to understand is that just because I don't have the proper initials behind my name does not mean I have lost my ability to think critically or to do excellent research. If anything, my skills in this area have improved, being strengthened not only by 16 years of experience, but by the motivation that comes from being the Parent of a sick Child (Ps.C).

When you were studying medicine, you learned about a lot of things in a span of six or eight years. You have worked hard and there are a lot of people who respect you and who depend on you to help them feel better. You deserve the respect that comes with the initials "M.D."

Over the last 16 years I have learned a lot, too. The difference is, I have been specializing in a very narrowly focused area. I am now THE expert on MY child. I may not have the same initials as you, but I deserve the respect that comes from sacrificing and working hard to heal my daughter. I will no longer tolerate your rolling eyes or heavy sighs when I ask for a moment of your time. And I will not lose one more minute of sleep worrying about whether or not you will work with me to help my daughter. If you don't, I will find someone who will. I hope it doesn't come to that, because there are times when I really do need your help and expertise, and I do not want to have to start over, building that relationship with someone new. But if I have to, I will.

So here are the rules:

1. Do not try to push any more vaccines on my family. You know how I feel about this, and you know I have done my research. If you want to know WHY I will not give consent, please ask. I will be more than happy to spend as long as it takes to share the information I have learned with you because I fully believe it will help you to become a better physician.

Actually, that's pretty much it.
I am asking for your respect.
I am demanding it.
I deserve it.

Thank-you. I feel so much better. I think I can actually grab a couple of hours sleep before the alarm goes off.

I am looking forward to building our new relationship; one that is focused on the common goal of healing my child.

With the highest regard,
Marcella Piper-Terry, Ps.C.
(Parent of a sick Child)

9 comments:

  1. I feel the same way as you do. I cannot sleep, but for different reasons. They have killed my Mother and Love of Life, and some doctors tried to kill my Father, but I had him transported to a different hospital with the help of my boyfriend who has passed, who was an attorney. My Father has a good doctor now, but I had to fight for it. It is insane and a night mare from hell, and I cannot sleep, because I wonder who they will be injuring or who will die next. God bless you for the beautiful letter that you have shared with us all that have simular frustrations.

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  2. That is a wonderful letter, Marcella Piper-Terry, Ps.C. I have also earned the Ps.C. designation, although I have two affected children who prompted my research. I hope your doctor reads your letter and appreciates that it comes from an intelligent, thoughtful person. You deserve the respect you seek, and I hope you receive it.

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  3. If only all people had your heart & wisdom, what a wonderful world this would be, Marcella.

    I am so sorry your life has been so full of strife & hardship as many others have been due to the barbaric acts of vaccination.

    I don't know your personal beliefs but many believe, with good reason, that this life is not all there is. We are spirits in these human bodies & life goes on.

    Whether it be in the next life as Christians believe or reincarnation, as I do, this is not all there is.

    I do know that it is fact that all references to reincarnation have been removed from holy scripture by order of King James by way of the 26 theologians.

    If I'm wrong concerning reincarnation, how can one explain the child prodigy that begins to play Mozart, out of the blue, as a two year old?

    Or when in regression one speaks a foreign language they've never learned & tells of parts of the world they have never been to? Upon visiting far away places it has been found that description is accurate & even the remembrance of others is evident. Many documented cases along these lines have been recorded.

    I was a very sick child who developed asthma after vaccination. My heart bleeds to know the epidemic of child victims who struggle to breathe & can't even cry in their agony because they don't have the strength or breath.

    I may deserve a place in "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" as the medical conditions I have had to deal with since my vaccinations are many but my spirit is high & I'm happy. Happy because I love people & my friends & family love me.

    The only sadness in my life, now, is for those who suffer at the hand of man's greed so I will leave this world using my last breath to help save them & my anger for those who be the cause is great.

    I probably have less than a year to live, I'm that ill. I have been told, no more surgeries can help me.

    It doesn't matter because, I will be back.

    This is my theme song & it's over twenty years old so I am amazed that I've never heard it until just recently.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw1bHaUk1CM

    That old hymn I learned in church, "Love Lifted Me" gives strength. The man who wrote it sat on the ground to write it as he looked at the burnt remains of his home that took his family.

    Love is all there is that's really important & it's sad for those who don't have it. I suspect many of these vaccination pushers are void that love & money is their thing. Sad. Very sad.

    Take care of your daughter Marcella & know this is just a test & learning ground & love will get us all through.

    Love,
    Marsha

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  4. I hope your Dr. reads this. I hope it makes a huge difference for you and your family. But, don't be surprised it he just congratulates you on your degree...Ps.C.

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  5. Love. Just love. Thank you for posting this.

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  6. all i can say is ,well done for all your hard work in 16 yrs... and well expressed. x
    People including doctors need to start listening..which is why i also am speaking with a GP and a Ped.

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  7. This, is why this Mom has not been to an MD for herself in 12 year..and ain't going back. Yes, sadly I do still have to use ones here from time to time for my son as his DAN! is two states away. There are times, 10 minute seizures come to mind, that I am forced to deal with my local eye roller. OUTSTANDING work here...thank you so much!

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